To the anonymous strangers on the surrounding tables in the cafe we probably looked like two old friends having a long overdue catch-up over coffee. We laughed loudly, talked easily and listened to each other's conversation intently. In reality though, Mrs S and I met on Friday morning to discuss who owns what as regards our mutual possessions, plus the thorny issues of finance. It was an absolute joy to see her - it always was and always will be, at least until such time as I sell this house and we divide the contents in a manner that we both agree is appropriate. After that I'm not sure I have the the mental fortitude to remain in her orbit as an extended friend. I'm suffering such awful pain in the aftermath of this one brief get together that it's probably in my best interests that I walk out of her life completely, hard though that will be. She knows that she only has to make the call and I'd be at her side in an instant, but equally I know that she'll never make that call. Every time I'd see her I'd be looking for a ghost of a sign, a sign that would never come.
Rain Parade - You Are My Friend
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14 comments:
Affecting words. It must be the hell of a road you are walking right now but believe me things look different when you finished this road. I know what I am talking about because I walked this road a few years ago.
I'm honestly relating to (although perhaps reliving is a better choice of words) the intense pain that you're experiencing, for the obvious reason that many years ago, as Walter wrote, I lived through my own version of it. If a mushball like myself can survive, you, Mr. S, certainly will! It may be a long haul before you wake up one morning and feel as if you might actually be through the worst of it, but "Time heals ALL wounds" is a cliché because it's almost universally true.
I'm sure all of your blogging pals wish they could take you out for a pint right now and just listen - that's all anyone else can ever do.
Marie's right, I for one would love to buy you a couple of pints and just listen.
I'd happily buy you a pint and listen Swede.
I'm sorry, I had a REALLY bad day on Friday and nowhere to turn but my keyboard. Coming home from work every night to a silent dark house is an absolute killer. In the cold light of day I feel pathetic moaning about my own trivial circumstances when there are so many out there (not to mention some within our own virtual community) whose suffering by comparison is very real indeed. I'm isolated and this place is the only real outlet I have, but I'll try to keep things positive as much as possible. Thank you so much for your tolerance and kind words of support - it means the world, it really does. Hopefully we'll all go out for that beer one day, when I'm in a happier place and am better company than I am at the moment.
Mate, I've been out of the loop for some time. For some reason, I chose to click on your blog today and have just learned of your situation. I am so totally gutted for you, I cannot imagine how you must feel right now. Thinking of you and like our friends above have said - beers and ears are yours. Stay strong buddy.
No need to apolgise Swede.
The blogging community is here for you
Let's make that beer happen some day
Sorry to be late in commenting on this, have read a few timesand wondered what words I could offer but I think everything I've been thinking has already been said by all the lovely blog chums above. We do have a very supportive community here and there is never the need to apologise for expressing such natural and understandable of human feelings.
One other thing - having known a few couples whose parting was acrimonious, I think it has to be a positive thing that you still have the friendship you have and in a world where there are few people who really 'get' each of us, I'm hoping that once things are a little less raw than they are now, you'll find it possible to still maintain that core connection.
I'm sorry for your pain, Swede. I wish I had some magical healing words. Just know you will never be alone. We are here.
Like C, I've read this a couple of times and not known what to say, or add to what others have said. Keep on keeping on - there will be an other side, eventuality. It may not always feel like it, but there will.
Certainly no need to apologise for sharing around here - Just wish we could come up with more than comforting words. Like C, I see it as a positive thing that you can meet up and discuss the practicalities in a civilised manner as so many others in a similar situation just can't. As Marie said above, time really does help and heal but a long haul. We are all thinking of you.
Thank you all once again. It's particularly nice to hear from you TheRobster, you've been gone too long and are missed by all of us. Any chance of you firing up the old blog to see if it still ticks over?
Shhh! Don't mention the blog. Yet...
Oh mate...I don't get round to reading my blogging buddies stuff anywhere near as much as I should, so have only just stumbled upon your heartache.
Don't ever feel the need to apologise for what you write here - I can tell you first hand that it can be a helpful, cathartic, therapeutic tool to just let it out. There's no judgement from any of us, just immense love and empathy.
For what it's worth, I'm thinking of you and wishing you all the best. Much love.
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